Feelings 101

This whole last week has been one massive and confusing onslaught on how I feel. I've been in old situations, old places and kicked in the teeth by the shit I remember. An unusual comfort and unrequited trust was probably the hardest one to stomach, it made me realise that 'moving on' is a lot harder then I ever told other people it was. It's not like I've ever lost a signifigent 'boyfriend' or anything like that, but I guess it's like cutting your own hand off, hah. It's important, it's part of you and when it's gone, you simply cannot do the same things you had done when you had it by your side.
It's all my own doing, though.

Every night, it's the same old ghost.

Do we instinctively know which emotion is called or do we learn it? Could we ever get them mixed up for another? Are feelings clean-cut and well defined or do they blur into one another? Are we capable of feeling emotions we don't have a name for?

Why is that the same situation can inspire polar opposite emotions each time we experience it? I once trusted and cared completely for two, but when both left, I only ever felt an absence for one, the other, I felt almost happy for. It doesn't add up.

We have twenty seconds to make a lasting first impression with people, so why is it that some people are so alluring? You will come to the same 'conclusion' about them but you will crave to know them? I once met someone I would normally avoid associating with, but nonetheless, I wanted their approval, I wanted to know them inside out. Why?

It works opposites, too, how can complete opposite situations inspire emotions you associated with another? These things are sporadic! Old friends; despite the changes in them and myself, when I spent time with them, I felt the same as the last time I had seen or thought back on them.

I don't we have any control over what we feel, I don't think we can impose specific emotions, it must have to come...naturally, even if you try with all our energy. I just wish I could reach out and find God's plan for human feeling, memorise it back to cover and read between every line.

We, as humans, are permanently on a knife's edge, unsure as to where our mood will sway; they're never consistent, either. We are irrational, unpredictable and throwing everyone else in circles; you are confusing.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say!
I'm more or less confused about how this whole 'emotion' business works.
I wish I could control it, or at least shut it down for a while, maybe even neutralise them all to the same frequency.
I think I'm just scared of feeling anything.
Maybe I'm scared because one day I might enjoy what my head's telling me.