Never going to finish this one.

We are confined within our minds, that is our world. We are capable of accepting facts, coming to our own conclusions and dictating what is wrong, right and in-between. Instead, we accept the majority as an inevitability and never question, never develop.
In our heads, we are our own Gods but we take the role of insects. Who are you?

I'm actually who you are.

We're a bit of everything that we've ever exerienced,
felt,
smelt,
tasted,
saw,
read,
touched,
everyone we've met,
imagined,
hated,
everything.

You can't unlearn yourself, but thinking about it now, what traits are truely mine? And what are those of another? Who ruined me? Does that mean we can pick and choose who we become, simply by imposing others and experiences onto us?
We're just born hollow husks awaiting the world to colour us in, and we just have to hope we get coloured the right shades. At least there's no ugly shades in the rainbow, right?

Expect addition.

Seeing yourself.

"i am weak
the moisture in the air
keeps me down;
the larger the room
the more i shrink into it
i want to be the walls
the ceiling
the floor
to be electricity
what i would give
to be a name
not a face
to be alpha
no longer omega
to jump three stairs
not just one
to open doors
rather then close
to say pretty words
with a golden tongue
be the art
not the spectator
to be the race
not the horse

hope is a church
of which i am ex-communicated.
i will sink, one day, into the earth;
regret is an anchor
a change in the weather
the desert
tornado
monsoon
el nino

my head is a road map
broken lines
bold lines
i once found myself
atop everest
soaring
i found myself
in marianas trench

there is no use in running
when you can barely stand"

What is self-worth?
How do we evaluate it?
Are we worthless or priceless?
I will add to this one day.

I am guilty.

The below post has been eating a hole in the back of my skull for weeks now.

I know for certain that you'll never know where your feet belong till they've tested every surface.
I want a taste of every inch of this country's floor.

'Moving forewards,'

I was talking to a friend and she brought up the topic of 'rebounds.'
It made me think...
Are we constantly just rebounding from person to person? Are we constantly trying to find someone who resembles the first ever person we truely cared about?

Maybe life is one big rebound, we just keep moving through it to distract ourselves. Maybe we're never truely over the people we've cared for and lost, we simply continue building up layers to put our mind somewhere else. Maybe the desire for adventure and discovery is more praying that all the scenery in the world,
all the foreign faces and tricky languages,
and all the facts,
will bury what we really want.

Somebody, please distract me.

I've accepted that,

We will always question and test the best things in our lives.

I think we just want reassurance that what we have is real.

Feelings 101

This whole last week has been one massive and confusing onslaught on how I feel. I've been in old situations, old places and kicked in the teeth by the shit I remember. An unusual comfort and unrequited trust was probably the hardest one to stomach, it made me realise that 'moving on' is a lot harder then I ever told other people it was. It's not like I've ever lost a signifigent 'boyfriend' or anything like that, but I guess it's like cutting your own hand off, hah. It's important, it's part of you and when it's gone, you simply cannot do the same things you had done when you had it by your side.
It's all my own doing, though.

Every night, it's the same old ghost.

Do we instinctively know which emotion is called or do we learn it? Could we ever get them mixed up for another? Are feelings clean-cut and well defined or do they blur into one another? Are we capable of feeling emotions we don't have a name for?

Why is that the same situation can inspire polar opposite emotions each time we experience it? I once trusted and cared completely for two, but when both left, I only ever felt an absence for one, the other, I felt almost happy for. It doesn't add up.

We have twenty seconds to make a lasting first impression with people, so why is it that some people are so alluring? You will come to the same 'conclusion' about them but you will crave to know them? I once met someone I would normally avoid associating with, but nonetheless, I wanted their approval, I wanted to know them inside out. Why?

It works opposites, too, how can complete opposite situations inspire emotions you associated with another? These things are sporadic! Old friends; despite the changes in them and myself, when I spent time with them, I felt the same as the last time I had seen or thought back on them.

I don't we have any control over what we feel, I don't think we can impose specific emotions, it must have to come...naturally, even if you try with all our energy. I just wish I could reach out and find God's plan for human feeling, memorise it back to cover and read between every line.

We, as humans, are permanently on a knife's edge, unsure as to where our mood will sway; they're never consistent, either. We are irrational, unpredictable and throwing everyone else in circles; you are confusing.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say!
I'm more or less confused about how this whole 'emotion' business works.
I wish I could control it, or at least shut it down for a while, maybe even neutralise them all to the same frequency.
I think I'm just scared of feeling anything.
Maybe I'm scared because one day I might enjoy what my head's telling me.

Get going

Writing an introduction would be futile because, in all honesty, I hardly know myself.
I guess this is going to be an attempt at rationalising my thoughts and working out what 'makes me tick,' really.
I write for myself, and only myself.
I do not care for others opinions on what I say, feel free to share them however, but I am solely set on self-understanding and making sense of everything around me. I don't believe I will ever be able to amount to anything without first clearing my head and defining myself as a person.

That's pretty much all I had to say.
I'm sixteen and live in North Queensland, Australia.
I currently attend school and do not live with my family.
I try to hold interest in everything.

Bye.